If “city officials” are to be believed, the big announcement that baseball is coming back to DC will be made today. As the Post columnist Thomas Boswell likes to say, I’ll believe it when I see them throw out the first pitch… of the second game. DC has been yanked around a lot by MLB, even in the relatively short time I’ve lived here, so I’m not holding my breath. But the stadium design and location looks like it could be pretty nice, and I’d definitely go downtown for games.
But on to more important stuff. What to name them? The Expos are obviously out. That name barely made sense in Montreal. The Senators? Do we really want to name the team after the two teams who already left DC? Plus, the Texas Rangers apparently own the name still from the last move. And Mayor Williams doesn’t want that name “because we don’t have a Senator.” The Nationals is another that gets thrown around, but they play in the National League, so that’s kinda cheesy. I will shoot somebody if they name them the Monuments. Here’s my suggestions:
The Fillibusters (short name: Busters, since there’s already the Phillies)
The Bills (like the Buffalo football team, but because of Congress being in town. Plus, the rally song could be “I’m just a bill, just a lonely old bill, and I’m sittin’ here on Capitol Hill)
The Eagles (a patriotic symbol, and it seems likely they will pick something patriotic, but the Eagles are likely out because of the Philly football team. Still, wouldn’t it be nice to shove it in Angelos’ face: “Oh, you’re the Orioles. What a pansy bird. Our Eagle could kick your Oriole’s ass!”)
The Gray Sox (there’s a group out there trying to get them to name it after the old Negro League team, the Grays, but I kinda like a compromise)
The Gates (because every Washington scandal is named xxx-gate, Watergate, Monica-gate, Rather-gate. I do hate that)
The Reagans (because everything else in this damn town is named after the guy!)
The Tourists (because they’re all over the place here, and the team is just going to get moved again anyway, making them another bunch of tourists)
Our big naming problem is that we’re famous for very little aside from government. Milwaukee is the Brewers because of beer, the Rockies are in Colorado, etc. What do we have in DC? It’s too bad we can’t bring back the Bullets name. It just seemed so appropriate.